It has come to my attention that I was, during the formative years of childhood, grotesquely misinformed about the size and danger of Australian wildlife. I’ve been in Victoria for a few months now, and I have not once, not once, been accosted by any sort of giant, venomous marsupial. To say I’m disappointed would be a tremendous understatement.
To my fellow Americans: If you have ever met an Australian and/or someone who has recently traveled to Australia, you probably said one of three things:
- That’s not a knife, THIS is a knife!
- Did u get a bloomin’ onion
- You are very brave. I am shocked you have not been eaten by some sort of animal horde.
I have not yet seen any Australian knives nor onions blooming, but I have seen a number of animals. Ever the optimist, I like to believe that someday we won’t be in a pandemic and will be able to travel again. At that juncture, perhaps you can visit Australia.
And with this handy guide, you will be able to seem like less of an absolute rock than I did when you get here.

Before we get into this, I’d like to remind you that it’s really hard to draw even, like, a dog from memory. But, despite the risk of great personal embarrassment, I stopped myself from looking at any reference photos of the following animals before attempting my initial artistic interpretations. As you peruse the following illustrations, please restrain yourself from thinking, “Good god, she thinks all animals are Pokemon,” and instead choose to think, “Wow, she is so brave.”
May it be an educational experience for us all.
KANGAROO
What I thought:
- Omnivorous (eats leaves and small rodents)
- 5-6 feet tall
- Very muscular
- DO NOT APPROACH. Will punch you

What it actually is:
- Upright deer
- Bouncy
Accuracy: 4/10

KOALA
What I thought:
-
50 lbs
-
Size of very dense microwave
-
Regularly stoned

What it actually is:
- Tree potato
Accuracy: 6/10

PLATYPUS
What I thought:
-
4-5 feet long
-
Greenish
-
Humble and erudite; keeps to itself but keen for a board game if invited

What it actually is:
-
Alien creature that will not be compared to any other animal. Like, I was very wrong, but the correct answers are no more reasonable
Accuracy: 3/10 because my version was also cute

PENGUIN
What I thought:
-
Beautiful, tiny creature
- Just wants you to be happy
- Small and swimmy

What it actually is:
-
Exactly as presumed
Accuracy: 10/10. You are a zoologist.


What it actually is:
-
For starters, not a Pokemon
Accuracy: 2/10


What it actually is:
-
Basically just a cat rodent
Accuracy: 3/10, got the ears sort of right



Laura, These were hilarious – and adorable at the same time! Delightful !
Laura, I sure got a kick out of this. Made me laugh and smile and giggle….very high praises for Any book, but I KNOW this author. Bravo.
Laura, you are so much FUN—and how desperately we need that now—but also ERUDITE. I have no idea of the origin of that word, but I’m sure you do. Love your adventurous spirit AND the drawings. I, too, write for young adults, so I won’t ask how much you like Australian wine, but I can guess.
Big day coming up in June—if I could throw you a publication party, I would. Best wishes, Norah
Loved all animals.and all the imagined ones.
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