It has come to my attention that I was, during the formative years of childhood, grotesquely misinformed about the size and danger of Australian wildlife. I’ve been in Victoria for a few months now, and I have not once, not once, been accosted by any sort of giant, venomous marsupial. To say I’m disappointed would be a tremendous understatement.

To my fellow Americans: If you have ever met an Australian and/or someone who has recently traveled to Australia, you probably said one of three things:

1. That’s not a knife, THIS is a knife!
2. Did u get a bloomin’ onion
3. You are very brave. I am shocked you have not been eaten by some sort of animal horde.

I have not yet seen any Australian knives nor onions blooming, but I have seen a number of animals. Ever the optimist, I like to believe that someday we won’t be in a pandemic and will be able to travel again. At that juncture, perhaps you can visit Australia.

And with this handy guide, you will be able to seem like less of an absolute rock than I did when you get here.

Before we get into this, I’d like to remind you that it’s really hard to draw even, like, a dog from memory. But, despite the risk of great personal embarrassment, I stopped myself from looking at any reference photos of the following animals before attempting my initial artistic interpretations. As you peruse the following illustrations, please restrain yourself from thinking, “Good god, she thinks all animals are Pokemon,” and instead choose to think, “Wow, she is so brave.”

May it be an educational experience for us all.